hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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