where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
