On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
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