the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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