if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
