We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Randomize
