Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
