Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
