im drinking this country out of the recession.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize