so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
