I'm laying in your front yard are you home
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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