you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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