I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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