I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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