Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
