The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize