i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
