Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
