you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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