If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The power of my boobs compel you
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
