he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
