The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
they need to just BURY HIM!
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
