Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
