Are we in a gay sports bar?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize