I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you didnt know i had herpes?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize