do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
