I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize