Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
