Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
worst night to have a conscience
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
