Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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