you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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