i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
