you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
