I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
