Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
