smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
wrigley field is MILF paradise
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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