I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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