I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
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