I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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