I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
