Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
