I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
