I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
