i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
