he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
