do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
