I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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