listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
