Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
it's great music for shaving your balls
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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