what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
