i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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