so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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