Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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