i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
