I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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