normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
All the doctor said was why
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize