woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
why is half of my head shaved?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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