Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
