I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
