i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
