he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
