just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
