I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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