i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
