I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
